Still wondering and not sure...

I'm back after almost a year! Things have been hectic. More health issues to deal with including more surgery and new issues that came up after that. So now I walk with a cane, too. It's hard to try and be a positive person. I have read that being positive isn't always possible and regardless what people say, not everyone can or will be positive all the time. Some of us are just not wired that way!

Another issue that came up was I lost my computer: my hard drive died. It takes money (I'm not working) to buy a new one. Finally, I have that new computer and I am still learning to use it.

As far as my questions about religion, they are still there dangling over my head daily. One day I believe in EVERYTHING to do with God and religion and just as quickly the next day I DON'T. Just about every time I think, "OK, I'm going to pray about that" and I feel really spiritual, something inevitably will go wrong with my life either physically or mentally. I always feel like I'm being tested but I'm failing that test! I hate the quote that, "God never gives you more than you can handle." It's just not true. I know of two people that were given more than they could handle and they both commited suicide. One was a friend, the other a nephew.

I'm open to any comments about religion. It's gotten to the point where I'm afraid to not only pray for myself, but for anyone else. Everyone that I've prayed for has died. When someone I know or even myself is ill, I try not to pray about it anymore. I just say, "I'll be thinking about you."

So here I go again, just wondering away, day by day....