Still wondering and not sure...

I'm back after almost a year! Things have been hectic. More health issues to deal with including more surgery and new issues that came up after that. So now I walk with a cane, too. It's hard to try and be a positive person. I have read that being positive isn't always possible and regardless what people say, not everyone can or will be positive all the time. Some of us are just not wired that way!

Another issue that came up was I lost my computer: my hard drive died. It takes money (I'm not working) to buy a new one. Finally, I have that new computer and I am still learning to use it.

As far as my questions about religion, they are still there dangling over my head daily. One day I believe in EVERYTHING to do with God and religion and just as quickly the next day I DON'T. Just about every time I think, "OK, I'm going to pray about that" and I feel really spiritual, something inevitably will go wrong with my life either physically or mentally. I always feel like I'm being tested but I'm failing that test! I hate the quote that, "God never gives you more than you can handle." It's just not true. I know of two people that were given more than they could handle and they both commited suicide. One was a friend, the other a nephew.

I'm open to any comments about religion. It's gotten to the point where I'm afraid to not only pray for myself, but for anyone else. Everyone that I've prayed for has died. When someone I know or even myself is ill, I try not to pray about it anymore. I just say, "I'll be thinking about you."

So here I go again, just wondering away, day by day....

Too much "life" going on...

I haven't had time to blog, or energy, since the last when I began this. Have had more surgeries for other things and now walk with a cane. Life goes on when we're making other plans. I wish I had the energy to even just clean my apartment! Radiation took all my energy away and it hasn't found it's way back yet.

I'm still wondering about a lot of things, although I've come to the conclusion that prayer for me does NOT work. I pray and things go wrong. I still wonder if there could be an afterlife without a "GOD" in it??? No one has been able to answer that. I've hung around different sites that offer debates between Christians and atheists, but the atheists usually make more sense and don't consign you to a "hell" if you don't agree with them. Christians can be just plain nasty!

Hopefully I'll get back here again soon. I just feel NO ONE is really going to want to read this anyway. Oh well, I tried.

Trying something new here!

This is my first attempt at blogging. I'm not sure what I'm doing or how to do it. Could use some advice from frequent bloggers. I chose my title, Wondering Away, Day by Day because lately I've been wondering just where I'm goin with my life and what I really believe in. For example, I wonder a lot about religion. I've tried everything from my basic upbringing as a Lutheran, to Methodist after marriage, dabbling in Buddhism, Wicca, New Age and now not really any spiritual direction. Am I agnostic? I don't know. I have been fighting breast cancer since last December which can be a wake up call to who and what you are and who and what you believe in. They asked me when registering for my surgeries if I had a religious preference. Do I? NO, not really. When you tell people that you get silence and a weird look. But if it's the truth, what else can I say? Wicca appealed to me for a while, but can you be Wiccan and not believe in gods and godesses? Can there be an afterlife without a god in it?

This is all hard for me as I also believe in the paranormal. I've had some pretty extraordinary experiences in my life along those lines. So this confuses me, too. Where do we go when we die? Does our "energy" move on in some way?

SO here I am, wondering away, day by day!